The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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