Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
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