I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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