This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
