I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
