its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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