She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
