he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
