Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
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