dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
