he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
