she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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