U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
