jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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