Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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