do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Randomize
