i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
