So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
