So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Randomize
