My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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