Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
soo... how was my night?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
