I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
