filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
