sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
