i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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