watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
