did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
