my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
