Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
