She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
3 2 1 whiskey
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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