lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
