On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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