He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You're a waste of cheezeits
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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