my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
