that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
