Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
