You smell like stripper and shame
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
