I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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