Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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