I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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