Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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