forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
