I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
