I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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