Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
