I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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