toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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