Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
