If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
