She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
