This is not my ceiling
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
How does it feel to date your dad?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
