He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I got her a Nickelback box set.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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