so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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