i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
im on a boat
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